Sunday, January 31, 2010

My grandpa.

My Dad called me about an hour and a half ago with bad news. My grandpa passed away. He would have been 90 years old in June. I hadn't seen him since August of 2008. He hadn't even met Bethany yet. I really miss him.

He and I were really close, especially when I was a kid. I went everywhere with grandpa. He called me his Papoose when I was a baby, and then Chief Wahoo when I was a little girl. After I grew up he said he had to call me Pocahontas. I really miss him. I love him so much. I have been dreading this day for a really really really really long time. I was hoping to get to see him again. I don't even know if he was saved or not. I really hope that when I get to heaven he will be there greeting me. It hurts me so much to think of him not in heaven.

He always would say that he was going to live to be 105 years old just to aggravate people and I really believed him. I have so many wonderful memories of my grandfather. He lived a long life. He served in World War 2 with the Coast Guard in Iceland. He worked at Laclede Steel for longer than I even know. He was such a great guy. He was my refuge when I was little from my stepdad. I always felt safe with my grandpa. I miss him and I love him so much.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

First Weigh-In

So yesterday, Wednesday January 21, 2010 was my first weigh-in after joining Weight Watchers. I am very happy to say that I have lost 3 pounds! When I stepped on the scale I just knew that it was going to say that I gained weight. I was very relaxed with the eating program and really only strictly stuck to the points for 5 of the 7 days. I am working hard on trying to change my habits, so I didn't want to just go crazy and restrict everything all at once. I have purposed to change and make lasting weight loss decisions. I don't want any of the weight to come back. I want it gone for good!

So, when I stepped on the scale and waited for her to say how much I gained and she said, "You lost 3 pounds." I raised my arms in triumph and couldn't stop smiling for at least 5 minutes. YAY!! I feel really good about it. I still ate normal things and even had treats. I know it will get harder as I lose more weight, but I'm really happy so far. So the first week is finished and that means three less pounds to lose, WHOO HOO!!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Weight Watchers' Newest Member...

Well as of Wednesday, I am once again a member of Weight Watchers. I feel really good about it and I'm hoping really hoping that the fourth time is the charm. I feel such a strong desire to lose this weight that its not even funny. I'm so tired of being fat. Just plain tired of it. Its weighed heavily on me for the last 8 years and sometimes completely consumes me, which in itself really bothers me too. I mean it is such a superficial thing, but I was never heavy before so it was definitely a difficult adjustment.

Another issue I have with being fat is that the reason that I'm this heavy because of my eating habits and lifestyle. I really don't want to be a bad example to my children. So far, I don't think that they even realize that Momma is heavy and I don't want it to be an issue with them.

Thursday I did really well following the points and today, not so much. I just have to take it one day at a time and do the best that I can.

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Years

Today has been a wonderful day. For New Year Eve, we had our normal bible study group with the addition of another family over for a New Years lesson and then lots of fun on the Wii (mostly boxing!). We had so much fun and my house was full of wonderful people which I love!! And I didn't take a single picture, lol. I thought about it a few times, but never got off of my tushie and grabbed the camera, haha. I did 10 minutes of yoga again today, which is to the first commercial break since its taped off of the television. I think next Monday when I start up again I am going to see if I can go for 15 minutes.

I feel really good about the exercising even though its really just a teeny bit of it. I'm trying to make a lasting change in my life and break old habits and I have decided that just taking it slow is the best process so that it doesn't seem overwhelming. Gradually, I will add more and once I do the entire hour(with commercials)easily I am going to add another exercise DVD.

I'm working on psyching myself up to do the Weight Watchers plan again, so that I can reteach myself how to eat whatever I want, just not all of it. It really worked for me in the past and I know it'll work again if I can just stick to it. I need to lose weight this year, especially before I get pregnant again, but more so I need to get healthier!! I have been reading Julia Child's biography and it makes me think of the aging process and our mortality. I've already got the afterlife part nailed down with my salvation in Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so I need to live the life that he's given me to the fullest! And I don't want to worry about my weight anymore.

So far its been a good year, haha. It was a wonderful day today. We got to sleep in especially since we were up so late, didn't get to bed until around 2! And we had yummy food and watched tv and returned cans, did a little shopping, and just relaxed really. It was wonderful.